Jokesin' with Joros Part II

Note: for those of you seeing Joros for the first time, please check out this article first.

So yeah, it’s been about a week since my last article! I hope SOME of you took the time to try running this deck, but if you didn’t cause the deck looked so jank, it’s understandable. I did a lot of play testing with the build I wrote about, and it did well...extremely well.

Honestly, I thought this was the worst deck to showcase as my first article, because it was based on a deck that almost no one respected to begin with (much less a jank version) and not because it turned out to be so awesome. By awesome, I mean a sweet record of 21-5 mostly in the Tournament Practice room (my boi swixerizzo, who bought me the deck for 2.5 tix and a few commons he had to begin with, gave it an extra 2-1 boost...many props to him—I just hope he can forgive me for calling him a noob so many times while watching a few of his careless misplays)! Seriously I think I spoiled you guys, since all my decks will have to pale to this by comparison. I mean, if the record were any better, you’d think I just created an actual deck.

So this week is a little different from last. I’m not going to showcase a new deck to you guys because, well, I’m 1) lazy, 2) starting a new job (yay, me!) so I’ve had my hands tied with relocation stuff, and 3) wanted to actually show you how this deck can be wild and unreal. Instead, here are some top 5 coolest moments that might help you appreciate the deck, with some explanation about the deck I was playing and the situations I got into.

Let’s start off with a game that swixerizzo played for me.

1 . Cards in my hand are irrelevant, when topdecking is actually an important part of this deck’s strategy!

Any deck that has to topdeck to win just sounds bad right? Well in some virtually all cases, yes. But this deck really works with the strategy because it establishes many early game board threats or pieces with enough landfalling abilities that every good topdeck is actually ½ of your deck...i.e. your lands (I play 27 of them

because of this fact and because 27 is my lucky number) and other board-specific key cards you have. What matchup does this part of the strategy REALLY shine in? If you guessed Burning Inquiry, you’d be right. The deck is so good against this deck that swixerizzo 2-0’d this match on his second match ever playing my deck.

Card advantage? Who needs that?!?! Terramorphic Expanse, please! (LSV would choke me if he read this.)

2 . To all the Emrakul’s Hatcher-haters: So yeah, did you know you really can’t spell “hatcher” without “hater”??

So yeah, I got a tip from someone that Emrakul’s Hatcher is a terrible card. He explained that the body of the Hatcher is weak and that you never need the extra mana. I mean, yeah it’s not sexy, and yeah this deck has a pretty low curve. But here’s the reasoning behind Hatcher: sometimes because you are playing equipments over creatures in your deck, your opponents have DI (damn infinite) creatures to your single creature on board. And then when they kill said single creature you have no creatures on board, and things get real awkward. To address the point about the lack of need for mana, you will definitely find cases where you need to advance your board with a creature or equipment AND equip a creature. My next picture demonstrates both points quite well. Notice the creatures in the opponents graveyard—Bloodthorne Vampires and 2 Nest Invaders (5 creatures due to spawn tokens)—and notice the creatures in swix’s graveyard—Stun Sniper and Hatcher.

Before you point out the Stun Sniper, the opponent Deathmark’d it before it got a chance to snipe anything. Also look at two equipments on the board that just got a lot more useful :).

Picture proof that sometimes Hatchers hatch spawns AND new game plans.

3 . I know all of you guys know this, but Sparkmage/Collar combo is actually good. I can’t stress it enough, so I’ll actually stress it with the jank version instead. Proof of the stronger case, proves the weaker case :).

This package is what can save this deck, no questions. It’s just sooo good, that I have 3 Vithian Stingers in the sideboard with Quietus Spike and an extra copy of Virulent Swipe for good measure if I see a creature-dependent opponent. (Yes, Virulent Swipe got me the game win by killing a creature with Sniper and getting

an extra 2 damage in the next turn...the opponent appreciated the tech since he was a good guy. I was really hoping I’d get a jackass opponent who would rage quit :)). Things get even worse for your opponent when you have two pingers and a deathtouch-granting equipment. Don’t forget, pingers really like sharing their toys!

A real deck folds every time to a jank deck trading 5 mana and tapping two creatures for 2 of your opponent’s best real creatures. Real dead creatures.

4 . Please, please, children. Sharing is caring!

This deck isn’t simply always an equip creature, crack lands, and turn things sideways deck. You actually have to think! It’s actually what makes this deck fun, because you kinda see your misplays immediately then just bash your head on the keyboard. Luckily, because I am the best standard player in Ann Arbor Michigan (in-joke, please no death threats/challenges for my title) I never made a play mistake. Check out this play that maybe some of you would have missed.

When one Kor is finished with his toy, he should pass it back. Especially if he already got his +2/+2 enjoyment from it.

What, more text after the picture? You better believe it. This isn’t a simple scenario. So in this case I have two Kors, the Duelist equipped with Adventuring Gear, and a Terramorphic Expanse. The opponent has all tapped lands and Jorga Warcaller with 1 +1/+1 counter on

it so it’s a 2/2. The plays here are this: 1) Duelist gets both landfall bonuses, 2) Apprentice gets both, 3) split the landfall bonus. I don’t like the 1st case because he would just chump block and my Apprentice would be deal 1 damage at most. The 2nd case would be dealing 6 to player...which is I guess mediocre. The last

case though, is where there’s promise. I want set up a case where if he blocks one creature the other gets by and both creatures live. Both cases allow this because they’d each be at least 3/3 after a landfall each. But now I want to maximize damage of one creature to remove the Warcaller too by forcing a chump-block.

So I tap my land to move gear to Apprentice, drop Expanse, then move gear back to Duelist giving it double strike, and then attack, cracking my Expanse. Luckily he plays into my hand and gets in front of my Duelist and is set back in the board and loses 3 life. I go on to take control with my two Snipers and Spike in hand

(as you saw in play in an earlier screen shot).

5 . Gone fishing...but the only things that are biting are my lands! :(

If there’s anything I’ve learned from team Get Your Game On, it’s no fear. Commit to a risky game plan even if you don’t have to. Why? Because you won’t be playing cards, and if you don’t play cards, you kind don’t have a chance, as opposed to a possibility of winning. Here’s a pretty WILD scenario that I hope no one ever has to experience, cause it’s pretty nerve-wracking.

Yep, I said I was all in.

The Shuffler gods were very pleased with my work.

If you read the chat, you’ll see that my opponent has admitted he has nothing.

Shuffler was on definitely on my side that game, and gave me a good chuckle to

boot. Shuffler really needs fewer haters; he’s a good guy that likes to be jokesin’ once in a while.

6 . Yeah, I said 5, but this doesn’t count! Thanks, Kai! Tried to get a freebie, but nothing slips by our editor:(.

I wonder if this is a good time to complain to Wizards about power creep.

Seriously a jank deck pulling off this doesn’t make sense.

Everyone, I hope you enjoyed this article as much I enjoyed writing it. Next week, I’m trying to release a mono-blue control jank deck. I got the idea from a good guy on Magic Online who was kind enough to show me the decklist for his take after I had watched a few of his games. Should be promising, but yeah, the deck won’t be doing as well given that people’s decks are more designed to combat control. Feel free to comment, and remember, it’s not a jokesin’-free zone!

-HWU (a.k.a. Avatar of Woo)