M15 Spoilers

So in 2015 Magic will still be alive and well. And we here at Rusty Machete have some special spoilers for you.




Ari, Level 4 N00b
3BBRG
Tribal Enchantment - N00b
If Ari is in your opening hand, you may begin the game with Ari in play.
If Ari is not in your opening hand, your opponent mulligans to 5.
When Ari enters the battlefield, search your library for a card named Thoughtsieze and a card named Bitterblossom.
When Ari leaves the battlefield, start a sentence with "This one time, at the pro tour..."
One more level to go!


Kyle, the Green Grump
GGGGGGGGGG
Creature - Giant
When Kyle enters the battlefield, open target booster.
If opened booster contains no playable green cards, sacrifice Kyle.
At the beginning of your upkeep if Ari or Dan are in play, sacrifice Kyle unless you say "F*** my life."
When Kyle leaves the battlefield, put 2 Wild Nacatl tokens onto the battlefield.
But it's green!
10/10

Kurtis, Master of Valuetown
BBBWWW
Creature - Team Value
While Kurtis is in play, you cannot win the game and your opponents cannot lose the game.
WUBRG: play a value creature from outside the game.
Sacrifice a Griffin, a Puma, and a Drake: exile Kurtis and you win the game.
If Makindi Griffin is enchanted with Drake Umbra, is it on Team Griffs or Team Drakes?
5/5

Matt, Trader of Punts
3UB
Creature - Punter
If you're playing in a zendikar draft, Matt's mana cost is GGGGGG in all zones.
6, tap: 3-1 Target Daily Event. Activate this ability only if Kai is in play.
While Matt McCullough is in play, you cannot lose more than 1 life to Dark Confidant per game.
If your opponent would read a card, instead that opponent loses the ability to read.
And then he cast Wrath of God. And I had to call a Judge to explain Indestructibility.
4/4


Dan, Master of Tilt
3
Artifact - Big Tilts
While Dan is in play, if you would draw a card, your opponent searches your library and puts a card into your hand instead.
Tap : Complain about target donk.
If Ari is in play, Dan loses all of Dan's cookies.
Sweepsweepsweep - Captain of Team Curling.

Gandhi, Master of the Blog
3WGR
Planeswalker - Gandhi
+2: Make target Legacy deck into a Ham Sandwich.
-3: Win target Legacy event.
-8: Teach Matt McCullough basic arithmetic.
Loyalty: 7
And then I played Intuition and my opponent's head exploded.

Jacob the Medical Student
2UBR
Creature- Doctor Apprentice
0: Use medical pun to pick up target girl.
3, Tap: Win target 8-4. Activate this ability only if Kai is on your left and also in the same colors.
4, Tap: Win target 8-4. Activate this ability only if you have not been on modo for 6 weeks studying.
I like gluteus maximus and I cannot lie.
5/3

Kai, Asian Ringer
5
Creature - Asian Ringer Ally
Sunburst- Put a +1/+1 counter on Kai.
Tap, flip a coin: if heads, top 8 target PE. If tails, 0-x.
0: Take a nap.
While Kai is in play, you must draft every Ally you see.
3/3
All my creatures rhyme!


Kelley, the Greedster.
3BB
Tribal Enchantment - Greedy
At the beginning of the game, you may play Kelley from outside the game without paying his mana cost.
While Kelley is in play, you cannot mulligan.
While Kelley is in play, you cannot beat Max Williams.
0: Win the game. Play this ability only if you kept one land and six three drops on the play.
That's so Neg EV!


Stu, Godfather of Ann Arbor Magic
WUBRG
Legendary Creature- Avatar Stu
While Stu is in play, you must have a cat near you at all times.
Protection from Vampires, Donkeys, and Snake tokens.
If Dylan, Stu, Tucker, and Pat are all in play, you win the game.
8/8
I'm afraid to invite him to my house on the off chance he is a vampire.

Richard, Shaper of Time
5UU
Creature - Timeshifter
Suspend 6 - U
Whenever you cast a spell, if Richard is suspended, add a suspend counter to Richard.
While Richard is suspended, extend the game.
When Richard enters the battlefield, get a time extension.
While Richard is in play, neither you nor you opponents can win or lose the game.
HOW DO I REEEEECH THEESE KIIIIIIDS.
3/4